Just a little rant…

I just spent the last two hours in a student meeting. A student meeting..! Two hours..! I mean, I know that changing the Student Body’s Constitution is the height of importance… but oh my word! I don’t have two hours for a student meeting..!!!! No-one has two hours for a student meeting..!!

Women… stand up!

 

A Scottish friend of mine is a part-time student at IBTS. He teaches RE at Riverside School in Prague, and also goes to Sarka Valley Community Church, where Phil and I go. He is doing an essay on Scottish Baptist ministers who are women. (Well, he’s starting his research on it anyway!) He told me last night that there are 140 Baptist ministers in Scotland, and of those…

… 7 are women. 7 out of 140! What is that about?! And he further clarified that out of the 7 women, none were in sole charge of a church, in fact, all of them were either deacons, on the ministry teams of the churches, or chaplains in hospitals. That is utterly shocking! Scottish Baptists have to wake up. Baptist women have to stand up..!

I am so angry, it feels like I may explode.

Its only when it rains

Yesterday it rained for the first time in the whole of the month of September. It actually made me feel really homesick! Looking outside and seeing the rain fall against the trees, the grey clouds looked so familiar, but nothing else about the view was familiar at all. It was such a strange experience. Anyway, its sunny again today, so maybe the melancholy will go away…

Litany at the End of the Century… the come back.

So I promised that I would give you a contrasting song to the previous song… Litany at the End of the Century. I know that it had pretty hard hitting lyrics, but I think that provocative words are good for us to reflect on from time to time. Anyways, this is a different take on Psalm 42, from Jaromir Nohavica’s CD Moje smutne srace (My Sad Heart) BMG, 2000.

As a deer that wants to drink water

Runs through the forest to the hidden stream,

As a deer that wants to drink water,

 

So I long to be with you

I feel anxious alone

So I long to be with you.

 

Help me in my loneliness,

Help me in my life,

Help my abandoned soul.

Every night I call to you

Every night I call for help

 

A deep anguish has settled in my heart,

What darkness in front of my eyes

A deep anguish has settled in my heart.

 

I have never been as lonely as tonight,

Over-reaching pride has built a wall.

I have never been as lonely as tonight.

 

Help me in my loneliness,

Help me in my life,

Help my abandoned soul.

Every night I call to you,

Every night I call for help.

 

I believe in spite of everything

That my calling will reach to your ears,

I believe in spite of everything.

 

When the leave of the aspen tree fall down in October

I accept without reserve all that will come,

When the leaves of the aspen tree fall down in October.

 

Help me in my loneliness,

Help me in my life,

Help my abandoned soul.

Every night I call to you,

Every night I call for help.

 

(Note: In the Czech Republic, the aspen tree loses its leaves in November/December. So you can draw your own conclusions about what he’s saying!) I really love the lyrics to this song, and the music is beautiful too. I love the honesty and openness of what he is saying to God. Our lecturer asked us if we thought that we would be able to pray this song as a prayer in times of hardship. Most of us agreed that we would. She pressed us by asking whether the words about the leaves falling from the aspen tree would be included. I think that most of us still said that we would say them. What I like about the lines ‘when the leaves of the aspen tree fall down in October, I accept without reserve all that will come…’ is that in reality, although we may say that we give everything to God, we often keep something back for ourselves. We want to give all of our selves, lives, plans and futures, but we’re also scared to do that. These lines attested to that reality. I think they’re beautiful. Anyway, that’s all the lyrically fun for now!

On a completely different note… have you seen the trailer for the film ‘Jesus Camp’? It is very scary… A short article on Ekklesia gives a brief description: http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/content/news_syndication/article_060919jesuscamp.shtml Basically, it seems to be a documentary film about a camp in America (obviously) that is ‘training’ up young ‘warriors’ to ‘take back America for Jesus’. In the trailer young children are seen weeping uncontrollably, shouting out etc. Its scares me to see young children so indoctrinated and brain-washed. (And it makes me even more scared of what their parents must be like to be sending them on a camp like this!) The leader of the camp says that she wants to train American Christian children like Muslim children are trained. Firstly, I feel that her perception that all Muslim children are trained to be jihad warriors, is crude, wrong and highly offensive. I also cannot understand why she thinks that taking a violent approach is helpful. Surely if she took those same children into different faith communities so that they could meet children from those backgrounds she would be building much more valuable bridges? Why always the war rhetoric? Why always the ‘we’ll teach ‘em’ attitude?

I believe that the challenge to Christians throughout the world today is not to condemn, judge or shy away from people of other faiths, but instead to engage and work with others for peace, for safer communities and for an end to poverty, strife and hunger. I hope that we will take up this challenge, because if we don’t, the future is bleak.

On another different note… my wonderful friend from Edinburgh, Laura, is coming on Friday for the weekend! Hopefully she will be the first of many! I am looking forward to showing her around Prague in all its gloriousness! It also means that I have a lovely weekend off from thinking about my theology/philosphy essay… which is excellent because I am really struggling at the moment. I’ve never been a fast reader when it comes to academic books, and having had a years break has definitely not helped! If you pray, please pray that I will be able to read much quicker!

Damn flipping annoying internet..! (in lovely Prague)

Sorry for the rant, but I just spent about two hours writing and crafting probably the most amazing blog post in the world, and when I tried to publish it, stupid wordpress decided to do only half of it. Obviously the over half just disappeared into the ether and my hard work is completely wasted! ARGH! Anyway, I was writing to tell my lovely friends and family (and random punters) how Phil and I are doing in Prague etc etc. I now am far too furious to attempt to redo it, so I will have to wait til I have calmed down. In the meantime, I will leave with you this lovely picture of a rainbow, taken outside of our flat window. Phil and I are well, I start my formal lectures tomorrow and Phil starts his first day in his first PROPER job as a fully qualified TESOL teacher. Please spare a thought (or a prayer… its propably more needed!) for him, as he needs to be at the company that he is teaching in at 7:30am tomorrow morning…. and most of you know that he is definitely not a morning person!

Dobrou noc… (Good night…)

(The only good thing about rainy days…)

Off I go to Wick

 

(multimap’s spelling is just priceless… Edingurgh, hmmm, so where’s that then?!)

Well, the time has finally come… Sue’s wedding is on Saturday, and I’m heading up to Wick tomorrow lunchtime. Flip me its miles away! Its probably still light til 11:30pm up there! Sarah and I are hiring a car from Inverness airport and driving up to Wick, which should be interesting! I’m looking forward to seeing the old flatmates again, its been a while… a jolly good time should be had!

My talk thing on Sunday night went pretty well I thought, although I was quite nervous to start with and suddenly my three pages (1.5 spaced, size 12 font!) felt like a 3 volume tome, but I got into it, and people seemed to be paying attention to me! Neil (the minister) asked people at the end for some feedback and it was good, so I feel encouraged. Will still need to get a whole lot of practice in before I feel really comfortable with it, but hopefully I’ll get many opportunities to inflict my trainee skills on innocent people!

Yesterday and Tuesday I did a couple of days work at a box-packing factory. Oh yes, I did. It was definitely an experience. The 3 ladies that worked with me were in their 50s and 60s, and were really friendly and helpful. Working there just even for those 2 days gave me a small insight into real ‘working class’ (I know its not very pc, but I don’t know how else to describe it) women’s lives. And it was both humbling, challenging and frustrating. Humbling and challenging because it made me realise how fortunate I am. Growing up with my parents happily married, going on holidays, going to university and now going to do my masters… these ladies’ kids didn’t have the same priviledges as that, and I think that alot of the time I took these things for granted. And it also made me realise how hard it must be for people to get out of their difficult personal circumatances sometimes. The one lady, Terry, really hates working in the factory, but she’s been there 6 years now, and she doesn’t really feel like she can do anything else. She is 6 years off her retirement and although she has applied for other jobs, she hasn’t got anywhere and she feels doomed. She also has RSI through working there, so its pretty rough for her. I tried to encourage her to maybe volunteer somewhere to get some other experience, and to get feedback from her interviews, but I really didn’t feel like I could actually help her at all. I just felt like a spoilt posh girl who didn’t understand what her life was like. Its so hard. We got on really well and it was great talking to her and finding out about her life, but I wish that I could have done more.

The experience was frustrating as well though, because of the close-minded views that the ladies sometimes had. Their main source of information for news and current affairs was the Daily Star. So, really, their opinions on the current situation in the UK with terrorist threats etc, could definitely not be repeated here! They often insinuated things like all Muslims were terrorists and should be sent back to where they came from etc. I tried to give an alternative opinion when I could, but I also didn’t want to come over as ‘holier than thou’. It made me concerned because there are millions of other people who read the Daily Star as their daily newspaper too, and if these people also have some of the racist opinions that seemed prevalent, then its no wonder that the UK is struggling with issues of intergration, and race relations. It also made me think about churches’ role in all of this. Where was the church for these women? Terry lives on her own, one lady was a raging racist and the other seemed quite lonely. How does the church reach out to women like these? What could I have said that would have helped? The gospel is for all people, so why did I feel that really it is very easy to be a Christian if you are white, middle class and educated? Its so hard. I don’t know the answers, and I don’t know how the church can relevantly reach out to millions of people like this, but I think that Christians and the church should seriously start thinking about these issues and finding solutions to them too. Its a challenge that is relevant to us all. We can’t just ignore the issue and hope that it will go away, we must be part of the solution.

Time is marching on, and Tuesday fast approaches! I can’t wait to be in Prague with Phil, it is going to be amazing! I am going to a conference that is going on at the Seminary next week. It is titled: The Theology of Creation Care: Christian Environmental Stewardship conference. What a name! I’m looking forward to going, and I will keep the blog up to date! I don’t think that I will have time in between getting back from Wick on Monday night to leaving for Prague on Tuesday morning to blog again, so farewell lovely friends! I will definitely keep blogging from Prague, as long as you read it, I’ll write it! Lots of love. xxx

My beautiful Ma dies.

This morning when the phone rang at 5am, I knew that it would be my mom. She told me that my grandmother had passed away shortly before. It was so difficult to hear my mom’s sorrow when I was still very far from her, but I talked to her for a while and I like to think that I helped in some small way. So I am on my way back to South Africa this evening, in fact, I’m sitting in Heathrow Airport right now! I wish that I wasn’t going back to South Africa for this reason, but at the same time, at least I will be able to say goodbye to Ma. I know that all her family was around her over the past week, and I also know that it good that she will no longer be suffering or in pain. Over the past few months the Ma that we knew and loved was slowing slipping away from us. Now she is restored in a way, and we can are free to remember all the fantastic times with her. I know she is at peace and I believe that she is with her heavenly Father. But I am still scared about how the next few days will go. I would really appreciate your prayers for my grandfather, my mom, her sister and brother, and all the family. Thanks guys.

Monday night thoughts.

Today was a good day. I enjoyed child-minding young William, we’re getting on like a house on fire… which is excellent, as 12 year old boys are difficult to keep entertained. We then had a man from The Flat Company come round and chat over flat-letting stuff with us, which is looking pretty positive too. Hopefully we’ll have some delightful people living in our flat in no time!

But there were a few difficult things that happened too. The first was that I got a call from my mom, who told me that she was in South Africa. As this was the first that I’d heard of it, I was immediately worried that my gran had passed away. Although this wasn’t the case, the doctor has told the family that he doesn’t believe that my granny has very many days left. My grandfather is understandably really suffering, and so my mom had decided to go over. It is horrible knowing that my gran is slowly slipping away from us, and that there is nothing that we can do. She has been suffering with dementia for a while now, and this has made things so much more difficult too. When I saw her about 4 weeks ago I was completely shocked as to how quickly she had faded away. Although she could still recognise me, she was unable to hold a conversation really. This was so painful for me, as the last time that I had seen her before then she had been pretty much fine. My memories of my gran (or Ma as all us grandchildren called her) are fantastic, she was only 50 years old when I was born, and so I had a wonderful childhood with her. My grandparents lived on a farm in Bedfordview. The house was big, with stone walls and polished tile floors that felt delightfully cool on my bare feet as a child. The land that surrounded the house was perfect for the grandchildren to enjoy. There were cows, horses, turkeys and chickens and lots of places for hide and seek! On Sundays when all the family were together we played cricket and ate Eskimo pies ( ) and went swimming. There was also a tree house that my grandfather built himself, which had tree stumps as seats and a table. It was an idyllic childhood. My Ma was the perfect granny. She took us to pottery classes with her, let us feed our toast crusts to the parrot, and slipped chocolate bars under our pillows at night while we slept. In the painful times recently, seeing her as half the woman that she was, it is to these memories that I cling. I don’t want to remember her as she is now, but as she was. I am so thankful that I did see her recently, and I was able to whisper thank yous to her as she slept, because she gave to us all so richly, so generously, and so selflessly. I just wish that she could know how much I appreciate what she did for us. For how she loved us and nurtured us. I just hope that somehow she did.

It feels strange knowing that my mom will be calling me in the near future, to tell me that she has passed away. I don’t know what that will be like. I have only been to one other funeral in my life, and it was when I was only 12. I just feel so much for my grandfather. He will be lost without her. It must be terrible having to gradually lose your spouse. I know that he will need all our prayers and support, but it feels like I can’t be any real help because of how far away I am. I have to trust in God’s loving and powerful care for him, and all our family.

I’m sorry if this has been a bit of a downer, but sometimes you just need to be able to express the pain and memories.

The other less painful, but just a bit difficult thing is the thought that Phil and I will be leaving Edinburgh in just over two weeks. I can’t believe that it is that short a time. I am starting to get a bit nervous! I am really looking forward to my course, and all the challenges that it will hold, but actually moving away from Edinburgh will be harder than I had originally anticipated! I have lived in Edinburgh for 5 years now, which is longer than I lived in Kent with my family, so it really feels like home. Phil and I have some fantastic friends here, who I feel like I am already beginning to miss. I feel so lucky that we have friends like Neil and Carolyn, with who we be completely relaxed, honest (!) and just have such a brilliant laugh with. It is such a blessing to our marriage to be able to share/ask questions/have challenges with another married couple who we get along with so amazingly. I am already afraid of how much I am going to miss our times together. (There are also many other special people that we are going to miss too!)

But Phil and I both feel like this is the right thing to do, so I am trusting God with all my heart that its going to be OK! (or, at least trying to. I think that C.S. Lewis once commented that the problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps getting off the altar!) So yeah, we’re trying to see all our friends before we go and I guess it’ll have to be email/phone calls or copious trips to Prague by our friends after that!

The other thing that I found out today was that an old long-term boyfriend from years ago is going to be a dad! He got married last September and they are already 4 months pregnant, so they’ve not hung around at all! I am completely delighted for them, and I think that he will make such a fantastic dad. It just weird when that happens. You know, you don’t hear about how people are doing unless its big news, and then the news passes like wild fire! Just makes you think how different life has turned out from what you may have expected.  As I get older, that just keeps on happening to me, I guess its a good thing though… keeps me on my toes!

Right, I think its time to go…

…night all. x

What goes around, doesn’t come around…

Sometimes injustice goes unnoticed.

Sometimes hearts are broken and feelings hurt.

Sometimes your hands are tied; your mouth is gagged.

What goes around, doesn’t come around.

Those that cause hurt will not feel the pain of their victims.

Those that oppress will not be made to cower in fear.

But, there is a time coming when righteousness will reign.

The afflicted will not always be silenced,

the oppressed not forever forgotten.

Those condemned to the shadows will be released.

Justice will truimph!

                                                         Anonymous

Travels and tales…

Its a gloomy Tuesday afternoon here, and Phil and I are still in bed! (Its 2pm!) (But I did get home from work at 3am this morning, so I don't feel that guilty!) He is reading 'The Da Vinci Code' and I am sorting out my big messy email account. Fun. But its one of those things that I have wanted to do for ages but could never be bothered! But I've finally done it. Cloudy, rainy days are perfect for that sort of thing.

This morning I woke up after having an absolutely beautiful dream. It started with me and some friends just sitting around in a park on a sunny day, not doing very much. Then this guy came up to us and asked us to follow him. As in dreams you don't ask questions, we went with him. He took us to a big warehouse/factory sort of place and to a huge big storeroom filled with loaves of bread. He handed me some bags and asked me to put a few loaves in each one. I indignantaly said that this was his job and not mine and he wasn't going to get to to do his work! He just looked at me and smiled. I managed to just get on with it, and as I did, he explained that in this factory they baked bread to give to people outside who needed it. They gave it to poor people on the streets or to charities, or whatever. Whoever needed it. I was obviously kind of embarassed by my bad attitude and bad grace, so I quietly got on with it. I was then called away to talk with some person, I think the manager or something. I can't really remember what she said to me, but while she was talking, it dawned on me how amazing it was that this factory existed. I was totally humbled by her. The factory was overwhelmingly staffed by people who would not have been able to get jobs otherwise. People with disabilites, mental and emotional struggles and other marginalised people. Around the factory were houses, schools, shops and all the other facilities that a community would need. The people who worked in the factory lived and worked together. They supported each other because they were so interconnected that they all needed each other to survive and flourish. And flourishing they were! After my meeting with the manager I went back into the factory and asked the main guy if I could please fill some more bags and help to distribute them. The people in the factory were delighted..! They asked me to stay for longer as it was nearly dinner time. For some reason I could not stay, but their generousity was tangible. The whole experiece was so amazing. These people who did not even know me had showed me such great kindness, hospitality and love. I was so deeply moved by their actions. As I was leaving, the main guy said to me 'We all have to go home at some point. If I go home before you, remember to work hard and play hard, and to enjoy every moment that you are blessed with.' And then I woke up. It was the most extraordinary dream that I have ever had. I really felt like I was actually experiencing the whole thing. Usually my dreams aren't so logical or rational. But this felt so real. It was incredible. Phil had some interesting insights about this all, but I will leave it for you to decide what you think!

This is our last couple of days in Edinburgh before we go down to Kent for my dad's 50th birthday party, and then we go to South Africa for 3 weeks! Yeeha! Can't wait! Phil is going to meet my extended family and some of my old friends in Johannesburg and then we're going on a walking safari, down to the south coast, then the Wild Coast and then Cape Town. Its going to be such fun! Hurrah! I will try to keep you posted while I'm away but we might be too busy enjoying ourselves! (sorry)

Keep well and enjoy the lovely summer sunshine!